Lies, Tricks and Deception
by TrafficLights
Summary: Sequel to Apple, Cherry or Blueberry (Not needed to understand this). Kel and Dom try to get even with Raoul, but it's not easy to trick the Master of Tricks. Will their combined power be enough? They sure hope so, or it's going to be a long life...
1. Default Chapter

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Hee hee.  Well, I just have to promise that it'll get better, now don't I?  It is a humor fic.

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Lies, Tricks, and Deception

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Prologue:

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   _I suppose I should keep a personal log of the_

_important events that have happened in my life over_

_the last few years. I'll never forget what happened_

_the week of Roald's wedding, the Gods have made that_

_clear to me, so I don't feel the need to record those_

_events. However, I do need to tell someone what has_

_happened since then, and most importantly, what_

_happened to me yesterday. And since Dom has sworn me_

_to secrecy for a time, I'll confide in this little_

_black book. I found it in Dom's saddlebags the other_

_day, with all the pages ripped out. There are only a_

_few blank ones left, but they're enough. I'm getting_

_off topic already, a sure sign that I've never tried_

_this before. Let me start from the beginning, or_

_really, the middle._

_ The months after Dom and I started our relationship_

_were some of the most confusing of my life. I set out_

_from the palace the morning he kissed me, leaving_

_little time for explanations or confirmations. I_

_didn't tell anyone about what had happened with Dom,_

_giving Neal only an edited version of our night in the_

_jail cell. He ended up finding out anyway when Dom_

_arrived at the refugee camp the next month, sweeping_

_me off my feet and into an embrace with unmistakable_

_motives. Love really does addle the mind. Neither of_

_us cared just then that it was in front of a very_

_interested audience. _

_  It seemed Lord Raoul had guessed - somehow or other -  
  
what our conveyance of letters meant, and had shown_

_his approval by sending Dom and Third Company back to_

_New Hope. Everyone partook in teasing and harassing_

_us to no end, but they didn't seem too surprised. _

_Neal was a different story, refusing to talk to either_

_of us for record time. He held out for around two_

_hours before demanding to know why neither one of us_

_had confided in him. We couldn't give him a definite_

_answer without further hurting him, but he eventually_

_calmed down._

_  Tobe approved from the start. He hadn't known my_

_Sergeant (I love how that sounds) very well, even_

_after Scanra, but he deduced that Dom must truly care_

_if he had come all the way into Scanra for me, and_

_knowing that was good enough for Tobe. Dom made a_

_point of getting to know the boy better, and in time,_

_they became good friends, with Dom filling in as the_

_boy's role model. We joke a lot about that.  Dom_

_doesn't seem to think he's a worthy replacement. _

_  So all was well as my most memorable and wonderful_

_year ended. Another year later, things are still as_

_wonderful for the three of us. We're as close as a_

_real family, there's no doubt in my mind about that. _

_  And last night Dom asked me to marry him. Neither_

_of us cares much for drama; he didn't beat around the_

_bush. I don't want to sound as clichéd as one of_

_Meathead's poems, but I know that I want to marry him_

_more than I could imagine. To be able to know that_

_wherever he is, and wherever I am, we're thinking of_

_each other would be the greatest gift. I know he's_

_the one I'm meant to be with forever. _

_  As for my answer, I've never thought much about_

_marriage. Except for the firm belief that I don't_

_want it, I didn't look into my options, or even think_

_I could enjoy it. But then he asked me, and I wasn't_

_Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan then, I was Kel. The_

_same Kel that he wants to marry for some reason and_

_the same Kel, for that same reason, said, "Yes."_

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*doesn't know any fancy-pancy language in which to ask the readers to review*

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	2. Chapter One

**Keita**- Thank you!  Impossible…maybe. I personally am finding this a little harder to write.

**Tabby/Tabitha of Hyperville**- Yes, they are getting married.  I think...

**Caitlin/Lady Me**- Eh.  Are you turning Scandinavian?  Or Swedish?  Languages aren't my thing...

**Kay/Eclipsa**- High on chocolate ice cream?  I have _got_ to try that.  Thank you for all your praise, you're one of my most loyal reviewers.

**ladyknight**- Begging doesn't work?  That's too bad.  *snoffle* good luck!  And I'm hoping this chapter is funnier, but it doesn't seem to be.

**Misunderstood**- Action?  What kind of action?  *winks sultrily*  Definitely K/D action, but I'm afraid I have yet to venture into the action/adventure category.

**Clarylissa**-  *nervous laughter* What? Me? Unpunctual?

**Aurora Yuy**- Thank you.  I wish to remain kewl.  *wince*  I know, but I didn't even know I was writing a sequel, until, well, I wrote it.

**Lady Wild Rose**-  Heh.  Yes, I've received many reviews telling me that it's my fault that they are now being considered mentally unstable.  Unfortunately, I don't think there will be any pies in this fic.  Ah well...

**Amber Faerie**-  Ah, another who is given strange looks.  Don't worry, normal looks are over-rated.  Did that make any sense?  Eh.

**Jazy716**-  CUTE!  That's what I was aiming for.

**Chrissy**-  Is that sarcasm I detect?  You're not an evil... *ponders*  OK, so maybe you are.  I'm just kidding!  Don't kill me!  I'm sorry, but this story isn't whipped cream (last time I checked, it was a story), though I could incorporate it somehow...*has been spending too much time around Stacey* 

**Me/twilight tigress**-  Thanks.  *bows humbly, before being hit by a stray orange*  They're rebelling!  Run! No you, weren't supposed to understand that.  *Wills self to remember to email*

**Eccie87**-  I love warmth and fuzziness!  It's just so…warm, and fuzzy.  Yeah.

**Manda**-  Woah.  *blink* I do love long reviews, and that little excerpt of your life, was interesting, to say the least.  I'm not taking Spanish.  That is all.  PS.  What's so funny about the cast of Harry Potter, besides the fact that they can't act?

**Vamperfly**-  Is this ASAP?  I'm not sure when that is.  *Curses vagueness in general*  Get it?  Eh, no...?

**SunshineX**-  *blinks in surprise* Finally!  Someone as odd as me! 

**Pheep**-  No no no.  I'll never ignore a reviewer, unless of course, it's Nell, but that's a different story.  Yes, it does say that members of the Own can't marry, but let's just say that Raoul had a change of heart sometime in those two years.  Thanks for noticing, that rule will come into play later on.

**STACEY**- OMG!  I can't believe you reviewed me!  *Faints* You're a legend!  Ok, that's getting old.  But really, I'm happy for you, and if it were any other pairing I'd read it in a heartbeat.  You know I would.  Only for you though.  Aww...I'm glad things with your mom worked out, I don't think I'd be able to tell my mom anything that deep.

**Mooky**- Thank you!

**tori**-  One of your favorites! Wow!

**Kenta Divina**- Love your story.  UPDATE.  Of course I won't leave you hanging…long.  *ebil laughter*

**Cool Like Ice**-  Well, I'm updating.  Thanks for reviewing!

**Ginner Lass**-  I'm glad you think it's funny!

**Angel of Wind**-  *gasp* An angry reviewer threat?  NOOOOOOOO

**Jude**-  JUDE!  I LOFF YOU!  I haven't talked to you in so long!  Gwen Stefani is very cool.  And now that I'm updating, YOU HAVE TO TOO!

**StarFire**-  I'm updating!  Stop yelling at me…*sobs* Just kidding.

**Psycholioness13**-  I have now written more.  Be happy.

**Thekeeperofthewords**-  Yeah, I added a chapter 6 to ACB, and I'm am obviously continuing this.

**Chapter One:**

            Mornings were nice.  Mornings were very nice.

            Despite the fact that Kel had never had trouble with mornings, she hadn't appreciated their full value either.  Now fully awake, the knight stretched out a long arm and snatched the little black book off its resting place near her bed.  She picked up a quill, dipped it in ink, and turned to one of the last pages.

            'Mornings are good.  Mornings are very good.'

            She blew on the page to dry it and tossed it onto the chair.  Then, turning her back on the book, she wrapped an arm around her betrothed's neck so she could pull him close enough for a quick kiss.  Murmuring incoherently under his breath, he stirred slightly, but didn't wake.  So, he left her to face the world outside of the covers by herself- a daunting task.

            She got up swiftly, despite the unpleasant way her mind and body protested.  But, she had to get up and dressed eventually, and it was still a Nice Morning.  Not even the cold, hard floor could dim her spirits.  She washed and dressed in record time, before coming back into the main room to sit on the bed next to her very asleep lover.

            She was bursting to tell him the idea she had just had.  An idea that could make them even with Raoul.  An idea that could even beat the time he stuffed their chicken with tooth powder at a dinner party, and then told the hostess that they were foaming at the mouth because of a mild case of rabies.  (And the squad, too, would have taken it in good fun if only the host hadn't been a healer and insisted on giving them the very painful antidote, just in case.)  It was an idea that could finally put them in the lead.

            _So this is what my life has come to_, she reflected wryly,_ playing child's games with my former knight-master and future husband.  _

She didn't necessarily think it was a bad thing.

            Finally, she couldn't wait any longer, and set upon waking Dom up.  She shook his arm lightly.  His eyes opened and blearily focused on her. "Whadyawant?"  He slurred.  She smiled, and he rolled onto his back to look at her from a more comfortable position.  "It wouldn't have killed you to sleep in, just this once."  

            She ignored his comment and beamed at him.  "I had an idea."

            He raised an eyebrow, but she slapped a hand over his big mouth before he could say anything.  He scowled at her, but she continued.  "Raoul's birthday is coming up-"

            He gave a moan.  "You're supposed to be making me want to get _out _of bed, not hide _under_ it," he mumbled from beneath her palm.

            She couldn't help a small smile, and leant down anyway to whisper her very ingenious idea into his ear.  When she had finished, he sat up slowly and ruffled her hair.  "That could work, my dahling."

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            Dom left Kel's rooms with a wide and unrestrained grin on his face, feeling most wondrously alive.  Kel was a genius, he decided.  He had known that already, of course, but he had never expected this of her.  Every time he brought to mind the details of their plan, he wanted to run back to their rooms and kiss her again.  Her devious side was just so endearing. 

            He strolled over to one of the sentry's and removed any obvious glee from his face.  "Lerant," Dom said simply, taking a seat.  "If I tell you something - a secret - will you promise not to tell anyone else?  My lord included?"

            Lerant looked warily at him.  "Sure."

            "Good.  I'm proposing," he announced, "What do you think?"  Everyone knew about his relationship with the lady knight.

            "And you're telling me this because...?"  

            The truth was Lerant was the key to making Kel's plan work properly.  Dom tried to look exasperated.  "Because you're my only close-mouthed friend, and I want your opinion."

            "Oh, I'm your friend, am I?  Well you owe this friend some money.  I hope you didn't spend it all buying one of those disgustingly huge rings."

            "Hah hah hah," Dom said sarcastically, "As much as I would _love_ to engage in a battle of wits with you, Lerant, time is short and I feel the need to be mature."

            Lerant made no answer, only raising a skeptical eyebrow at the word 'mature'.  "Well, what do you think?"  Dom asked impatiently.  

            Lerant looked at him, deep in thought.  "I think you're going to have some _strange_ children."

            Dom didn't waste any time in whacking him over the head.  "What I mean is, do you think she'll accept me?"

            "Accept you?  Dom, she's a lady knight!  What for the love of Chaos makes you think I can predict what she's going to do?" 

            Dom ignored him, and instead took on a tone of extreme longing.  "I hope with all my heart that she accepts.  I don't know what I'd do if she didn't love me in return."  Inwardly, Dom winced.  It seemed that his cousin's dramatic side was rubbing off on his acting skills.  He just prayed that the standard-bearer would fall for it.

            Lerant edged away slowly, reminding himself not to make any hasty movements.  "Err...Dom.  I'm going to go now.  I have to sleep and...stuff."

            The newly-made Captain composed himself.  "Of course." 

Lerant left immediately to find Lord Raoul, for the first time in years feeling that something was going to happen, and that he would have a part in it.  His only wish was that his little daily calendar wouldn't flip to a scribbled reminder of his lord's birthday anytime soon.  And he hoped that this conversation with Dom wasn't involving him with the squad in any way.  He would rather be turned into bite-size chunks of wallaby intestines and left to fester in the dirt outside on a hot summer day.

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The man Lerant sought was in his makeshift office.  The room had previously been a rather large storage closet, an accident made by one of the carpenters.  The same carpenter who had forgotten to build the commander's office in the first place.  Raoul now held a personal grudge with this man.  

A polite knock on his door caused him to heave a fairly large sigh.  So, he thought, another brainless ninny has come to ask me what color the sky is, or perhaps they want to know how to get their heads out of their-

"Come in!"  His voice was misleadingly inviting.  Raoul grinned when Lerant entered in place of the arbitrary idiot.  "Good to see you.  It's really good to see you.  What's up?  How's the wife?"

"Err…"

"That's good.  Well, how are the twins?"

"Well, sir, I-"

"Wonderful!  Now, you wanted to see me about something?"  Raoul raised an expectant eyebrow.

"Yes," Lerant said, relieved that the man in front of him was acting relatively normal again.  "It's about Dom."

"Good man.  You've got some juicy tidbits about him and Kel?"

Lerant shifted.  Raoul waited patiently, not knowing anything of the internal conflict waging within the soldier.  "Oh, no.  Looks like it slipped my mind!"  Lerant gave an unconvincing laugh, and started to leave.  "I'll just come back when I remember."

Raoul scowled.  "Lerant, sit.  I need some good news, what with all the idiots I have under my comm-" he stopped and cleared his throat, "Just tell me."

With a sigh of defeat the young man sat down, and wearily told an edited version of his tale.  "Dom is going to propose to Kel."  A very edited version, sure, but he had to prove he had matured _somehow._

But Raoul sparked up nonetheless.  "They're getting married?  They took their filthy time, too."

Lerant nodded, all regrets about betraying a confidence apparently long forgotten.  "Yes, sir.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do my penance for double-crossing a friend."

"Hm?  What would that be?"

"Three ales and a warm, comfy bed."  He stifled a yawn at the thought of sleep.

Raoul shook his head disbelievingly.  "You poor, poor man."

*

            Kel waited discreetly outside the storage closet for Lerant to come out.  As soon as he walked out and turned the corner, she straightened and reached for the door.

            "You might want to be careful, I think he's finally going senile."  The voice stopped her cold.  Lerant. 

            She nodded, and smiled.  "I'll keep that in mind."

            "Good.  He still thinks I'm married."  Kel's smile widened, though she couldn't help wondering what he really wanted.  They weren't really on casual speaking terms.  He answered that question by taking an awkward step forward and hold out a hand, which she shook automatically.  "I'm really happy for you and Dom, and I'm sorry for being a bastard to you."

            She winced at his choice of words, but was touched all the same.  "Thanks Lerant."  Then, quickly remembering that she wasn't supposed to know what he meant, she recovered.  "But you're a little late.  Dom and I have been together for years."

Kel watched, interested, as he realized his slip of the tongue.  She shook her head, inwardly laughing, and entered the office.

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